Welcome To Exy
An Electronic Culture Zine.
JULY 1998
It has been a couple of days since I have added anything to this page. The reason is that I have been threatened by a mutant "Microsoft Virus". This virus assaulted me verbally when I checked a web page, I have never encountered anything like it before. I think that I may decide to format my hard disk drive and start over soon. I am not sure whether I will or not. It depends on how much time I have left before school starts.
I have been a lot busier since I started doing work in the law offices, but I think that it has been good to have my time occupied with something. I spend way too much money when I am not occupied with other things to do.
I am down to my last pack of cigarettes again. This time I am going to have to try to make it all the way through to January before I smoke again. If I smoke again. At home, smoking is a lonely habit because no-one else in my house smokes and I usually have to do it alone outside.
I noticed this morning that I forgot something important and I think that I have to blame smoking for that also. Forgetting what I forgot definitely required a shortage of oxygen to the brain. I may have lost an opportunity to earn $600.00 toward school because of it. I am going to be working on re-scheduling my missed appointment.
I am thinking about going for coffee tonight in Amherst with a friend of mine. If he has the free time, I have my last three dollars and some gas for a drive to Starbucks up on the Boulevard. I could use some chocolate coffee.
I think I will be writing more as more interesting things happen to me. I haven't had much that's been unusual happen lately, with the exception of the car repair issues I have been grappling with for the past three months.
My radiator started leaking today. Luckily that was due to a minor adjustment to the radiator that my father made the other day. He corrected the problem tonight when he closed the cap that he had left open. It was good fortune also, that I had a container of Anti-freeze in the back seat to refill the Radiator with, or I definitely wouldn't be able to afford the coffee tonight.
I am part way through a book by my English instructor, Eric Gansworth. The book is his first book. It is titled Indian Summers and it is set here on the Tuscorora Indian reservation. I think that I will be reading more of it in the next couple of days.
One of my friends just went to Ireland for a month. He will be roughing it, staying in hostels and working on a work crew doing light construction and stuff I think. He is a big fan of Guinness Draught beer and has a computer that is even faster than mine. On Sunday Night, before he left, we watched a Woody Allen movie called Deconstructing Harry. The movie was a far cry from anything you might call normal, but it was my choice, as I have been influenced by some of my other friends to watch his stuff.
My friend Joe came into town on Saturday and is working toward aquiring a teaching position. He is going to be here until at least Friday and I think that I might be going to Darien Lake with him on Thursday. I haven't been there in years, so I don't know the layout of the park anymore. I hope that it is enjoyable and that the rides are worth any waits in line we might encounter. I think that going to an amusement park as an adult is going to change my perspective on things dramatically. I don't think I will find myself as infatuated with all of the games and arcades and kid's rides as I was when I was young. In fact, the last time I remember going to an amusement park was when I was in high school. What will it be like to ride a Roller Coaster again?
I think that I am going to come back to this in a couple of hours, but if I don't,
Goodbye until next time,
July 28, 1998, 9:26 PM (A reasonable hour?)
More good news. A friend of mine recently found me a shareware conversion utility that allows you to convert Word Perfect files to HTML. I am now able to put a lot more of my work on-line a lot faster.
I have just added several new poems to my poetry page. You can view them at : http://www.wzrd.com/home/noisecontrol/poetry.htm.. I hope you enjoy the work, I have enjoyed writing it.
Last night, Ryan and I went out to the Spot Cafe'. We ran into Andy, the guy who has taken various digital photographs of me, and Steve, who I have gone to the movies with a couple of times. We sat outside and enjoyed the scenery. I had a quad shot espresso drink called a Skippy. I don't think that I will be having one again soon, because I am still awake at 6am writing this. I really should have gone to sleep when I got home at 12:00.
Last night I went out on the web searching for a good free FTP program. I was hoping that I might be able to speed up my uploads to my web site. Unfortunately, Microsoft does not make a Windows edition of a file transfer protocol. It would be much more convenient if they did. It appears from one of the notices that I saw on the web, that I am lucky to have the last free edition of a program called Ws_FTP which is now going to be widely marketed with Windows capabilities. It is very unfortunate that the new edition is crippled (30 day limit) and that it costs a lot of money for the new 5.0 version. I am almost tempted to look into what it would take to write a Windows FTP application myself. All of the components seem to be built into the Win32 from the FAQ sheets I read on the Mictosoft site last night. Anyway, I wasted 3 hours searching around on the web for a decent program and I am not proud of having wasted so much time.
I would like to say more about my new work arrangement, but I think that putting anything significant about it into print might jeopardize my chances of holding the position that I have been offered. I can say that I will be working with telephones a lot and sifting through a little bit of paperwork. I really hope that this job keeps me busy for the rest of the summer. I need something to stimulate my neurons and keep my mind active. It has been almost two years since I have done any real work.
I hope that you all have been enjoying the summer. It has been hot the past few days, and I am guessing that it is going to stay hot well into August. It was really nice when the rain cooled us off Friday evening. I am hoping for some more, but not before I get my next automotive problem taken care of. It looks like I need a new set of wiper blades (Ugh). This car has given me more headaches this summer than I can count. At least this headache is a relatively cheap one...
Ciao...
July 20, 1998, 6:20 AM
Great News today, my Aunt referred me to a lawyer who I am going to be working for starting Friday (I think). I have been looking for something constructive to do with the rest of the summer. I will be working for him for free, so that I can learn how the inside of a law office really works. This works well with my whole financial scheme, and also my life goal of getting into law school. It brings me one step closer to the edge of something positive for myself. I never would have had this opportunity if my Aunt hadn't suggested it. Now I can say that I am a publisher and that I am working in a law office. These both work in my favor. Hopefully I will have a chance to do more positive things like this as time rolls by.
Today I entered some critical information into a program that will get me some additional tuition assistance and help with paying for books for college at University at Buffalo. I plan to start looking into Scholarship programs also, that will help me get through school. I have found a couple of Internet resources that will help me to find scholarships. I think that I will post them publicly after I have checked them out, so that I only give out the best ones. There are probably hundreds if you look up Scholarships through Yahoo!
Today has been nice and hot. I felt really dehydrated so I bought a grape juice at some kind of new quick-mart across from my psychiatrist's office before I went on the trek toward downtown Buffalo to drop off the form that he filled out for me. Downtown Buffalo looks really active in the daytime, with the Metro Rail coming and going every five minutes. I had to walk along the Rail to get to the office at 295 main Street. There were people in all kinds of different clothes walking around. It was as if the street outside were some kind of big Mall without limits. I walked past the M&T building and saw the office girls hanging out under the fountain smoking. It must take some kind of special credentials to get a job there because it looked like they were wearing some really expensive clothing. For some reason I have never found that high profile business girl look exceedingly attractive. I have always been excited by clothing styles that were a little more Romantic or on the edge. I think that as I get older, my perspective on dress might change slightly.
For my new job, I think I might have to go out shopping and buy some new clothing myself. The blue jeans look won't cut it in a law office. I am thinking that I will have to try to find some casual cotton or knit pants and a nice shirt and tie to wear to work. (I don't mind the look of these types of clothing on myself).
I think that having something to occupy my time might help me to quit smoking also. I think I smoke a lot of the time because I don't feel like I have anything better to do.
I look forward to going to school next semester and I look forward to keeping this job for as long as I can. I wish that I knew a better way to thank everyone for everything that they have helped me out with over the last couple of years. But hopefully, just improving gradually will put me in a position to get enough things done, so that I can return all of the favors.
I will be talking to you all again in the very near future.
July 14, 1998, 5:43 PM
It has been an interesting week. My computer is almost back up to date. I think I have made some progress toward going to college at the end of August. Today I had my transcripts sent in. I dealt with two student loan deferrment issues that I had been letting slide. I mailed my parking permit request for University at Buffalo. And I physically went out to the campus to drop off my current student loan. On the way home I will be dropping by to visit my friendly neighborhood psychiatrist. But for now, I am sitting at Starbuck's coffee in the safest town in America (Amherst) and sipping a Mocha Frappuchino.
The music in here could be better than the overly trendy swing jazz of the 20's. There will be a point in our history I am certain, when recycled culture will be recycled recycled culture. It seems to me that there haven't been anything original about the 90's but Ross Perot and Bill Clinton, and of course, the fact that it is possible for someone like myself to have such a wonderful platform to speak from.
I am certain that no one would ever read this journal of mine if it weren't on the Internet. The world's most viable new publishing medium. I could print volumes of words here and it costs infinitely less than printing everything out. I really wish that more people would get into it. I could use a couple of original writers to spice things up in this journal. They don't even have to be web page literate, just e-mail literate. It is difficult to meet motivated people though I guess, I would have to admit that I am not all that motivated myself. I haven't written as much this month as I would have liked to.
I have managed to get through a book in the past week. The book was titled Holy Fire. It was written by Bruce Sterling. It was a Science Fiction novel. I really enjoyed it. It had things in it like virtual reality gloves made of heated liquid plastic, and designer drugs injected through mosquitos and snake's teeth. The main character ends up being a 96 year old supermodel in Rome after having had biomedical treatments to reset her genes and biomaterials back to the age of 20. Her hormones lead her to be involved with many men intimately. (This helped the plot along dramatically.) She has to deal with dogs that talk, and babysit a pair of snow white kittens for some extremely rich woman. I will save the conclusion for those of you who choose to take my advice and pick this one up. It isn't quite as full blotto as Sterling's 1980 mindbender titled The Artificial Kid, but it is definitely worth a glance.
I am mildly disappointed that I have not seen any advertisements for Count Zero as a film yet. Someone over the internet through this newsgroup I subscribe to about William Gibson stuff told me that a film was being made of Gibson's second novel called Count Zero. The person that told me about this seemed confident that the film would be released this summer. I have not seen anything about it in any of the magazines or newspapers that I scan, and I am in the bookstore quite a bit with Mike. Hopefully more word will be on it's way by mid-semester. I am wondering whether my college connection to UB might help me get word of mouth news about it when it starts circulating. If it comes to theaters soon, I will be the first in line for a ticket. I recently watched the end of his Killswitch episode of the X-files on Fox and I was drastically impressed at how well Gibson can still put together a plot line.
I am down to the ice on my Frappuchino now, and I am glad to share that I have been at least somewhat creative in 1998. I have written a few new poems that I may add to my poetry page in the near future. The titles range from "Modern Forms of Corn" to "Fishnet Marriane" and include experiences ranging from nearly being beat to death by a skinhead to the graduation of my brother from college. I have written a little bit about nature also. I have been trying to avoid writing about my maple tree, because when I actually write about it, I want my words to be sharp and clear. Right now I have a lot of ideas going in a lot of different directions in my mind and I don't want to neglect anything important that I might otherwise notice.
I have been seriously thinking about doing some more drawings with colored pencils that I can scan in. I haven't done any in almost a year, and I have a whole new pack of 50 Crayola pencils to work with that I had to buy for a project in my Microeconomics class last semester. They were a good investment (I got an A in the class). I am not sure if I drew something though, that I would be able to escape the pictures that I have drawn of things in the past, and begin to draw things that are more original. I have been thinking about trying to find a book or magazine with pictures of helicopters and airplanes in it, that I might be able to use as a model for some drawings of some cool looking aerospace vehicles. (Actually, I just had that thought while sitting here typing).
I guess one of the reasons that I am typing so much today, is that I have a lot of time, and very little money to spend. The typing is keeping me occupied. As I said earlier, I think that it could be a productive task for a lot of people and I really wish more people were inclined to put their thoughts into the forum that is available to them. Mike is into a lot of consumer products web sites, and he has found a lot of cool mountain biking stuff on the web. I would like to see more people check out his website (you can find it on my friend's page (under the editor's homepage)). I would like to see more people check out my website.
I haven't read my Wall Street Journal today. I haven't read it in a couple of weeks, except this past friday, when I checked to realize that it doesn't have classified ads. I have been thinking a lot lately about deserting town and looking for work in one of the big cities. Boston and New York both move so fast that I am sure I could get something going in either of them, but then I have to look also, when I think about doing something like that, at the advantages that I would give up. My rent would definitely go up. My parents give me an incredible all inclusive deal of $200 for room, board, and car. They cover the insurance on the car too. I also don't think that I could afford to have cable if I lived with other people in Boston or New York. I would probably be lucky to have a phone, and not get screwed for the phone bills.
When I was living in Boston, a long time ago, I was barely living there a month, and somehow, my SHARE of the phone bill was $70 and I hadn't made very many calls at all. The other problem with living in the city is living with Roomates that don't want to stay put. A lot of roomates in the city want to move out and stick you with the rent. That is never a good deal to have to live with, especially when you often have the option to only sign an joint lease. It is very strange though. In big cities it is easy to find work very quickly if you know how to use a computer or a fax machine. Temporary Services love to hire skilled workers. Unfortunately, in comparison with the cost of living, the work does not often pay quite enough.
I am beginning to think that if my college experience this time around does not pay off, that I will have to take this approach. However, I am much more willing to work my way through school now, and treat it like a vocation. I am willing to spend hours studying text books and comparing my notes to old quizzes, where I was not willing to do this a couple of years ago. I think that if I carefully work through things that I might be able to make something happen this time around that didn't happen before.
It would be my hope that the next time that I get to go to Boston, or any other big city for that matter, that I get to do it in style.
Well, I think it is time to let up on this for the afternoon, and get out the news, and see what important happened this morning while I was smoking my blues away. If anything, I hope it rained somewhere in the world. I miss the rain of the last few days. Today is a scorcher, and I am driving one seriously repaired Dodge Shadow.
July 13, 1998, 2:36 PM
Sorry for taking so long to set up this system and get everything going to update the page. I have been going through some modo swings about my computer lately. Someone offered me some decent money for my system. It sounded like a deal that I could not refuse. The deal was $1000 for a one year old 200 Mhz system with the monitor included. I thought that I had it made and that I would be able to upgrade the system in a very short period of time to a 233 or 266 system by selling it and buying new parts. I was carefull to keep a backup of all of my internet files and all of my other data. I have been working on updating the computer with the latest backups of all of my files.
I took a picture of the computer that you should see at the right of your screen. The person that said he was going to buy the system backed out tonight and said that he was going to get a $1000 deal on a 266. I think that the one that he will be getting must not be of kosher origins based on what he has told me, but prices are dropping. In a few years I expect to be able to buy a 400 Mhz machine for $499 or less though, so it is possible.
I hope that you have all been enjoying your July. I think I would write more, but I have a lot more restoration on this computer left to do. Right now this is kind of like a test to make sure that the internet stuff is working okay on my computer.
I hope the summer warms up, these cool nights are giving me goosebumps.
July 11, 1998, 4:30 AM
Since the last time I updated this page, my car has been repaired. The auto-glass people fixed the window at no charge. I was very appreciative of that. I am glad that my parents bought the yearly glass insurance policy.
I am currently sitting in my living room writing this while listening to Street Fighter, the animated movie on Cinnemax. The graphics for it look pretty sharp, but it looks like it is at least a couple of years old.
Last night I watched a couple of movies on TV, they were pretty dull and brainless. One was called Double Team with Jean Claude Van Dim and the other was called Bad Medicine with Steve Gutenberg. Bad Medicine was on Comedy Central. Both films should have been on Comedy Central. I can't understand how I pay for Cinnemax when they put lousy stuff like Double Team on during prime time (10 PM). Rodman didn't save this film, in fact he contributed to it's demise, even though his acting was better than Van Dim's. I didn't even finish watching Bad Medicine.
My friend Scott showed up at 3AM and we went out for some coffee at a little coffee shop on Victoria street in Canada. I can't remember the name of the shop. It is just one of those places that we frequent when we get the time. We played Scrabble twice. Unfortunately Scott won both games this time around.
When we were in the car listening to the radio, waiting for the tourism bureau to open, we heard on the news that there was a new microsoft service that lets you look at your back yard on Satellite photos or something. It was called Terra somthing or other. I am going to look into it the next time I am on the web and surfing for new stuff.
In the past few days, I have seen the X-files twice. My friend Andy covered my admission last Wednesday. My Aunt covered part of my admission on Saturday night. I thought that the movie was good, but I think that it was a little bit over the top. I never actually expected Moulder to actually see a real UFO. (I know.. Shhhh.. I won't tell you anything else...)
I think that most of the people at my graduation party enjoyed it. I got a nice card and we played a game with a feather ball thing that you hit with your hands. When it got dark someone coated the feather ball with a glowstick's juice and it turned neon green. A lot of people got the neon green goop all over them also. We turned the music off at about 10PM.
The word on the street was that after the party a bunch of us went to the Twist of The Mist ice cream place, and then over to the Hard Rock Cafe' for beer. I had to break for the North with Scott and drop $10 at the Casino. I should have known it would be a losing proposition, but you can't help dropping a few bucks there, especially if your friends are chipping in a couple of bucks for you to play.
I am glad that I am not broke anymore. July is here, and the gas money is rollin' in. I just got my check and I'm locked on the nearest coffee shop, today. I will be glad to be able to pay for my own for a change. Last month was brutal with all the activities. I wish I had written more for the June page, but it is hard sometimes to keep focussed when you have so much going on. Unfortunately one of my best friends, Pat, is in Ecuador from now until September. I don't know that I will be as active without him around. I hope that I don't lose interest in going out, or keeping the circle of friends that we have together for the summer. We have done a couple of cool things since he left though. On Sunday night we watched the Replacement Killers, a movie with Chow Yun Fat in it, produced by John Woo, director of Broken Arrow. On Monday I went to see a film with Jackie Chan in it called Drunken Master at my friend Ryan's house.
Ryan invited me to lift weights with him this month, I am not certain that I have the patience or strength to repeatedly lift heavy objects though. On Sunday I went to lunch with him at China Bufffet. (Anyone notice a recurring pattern of All things Chinese in what I've been up to lately? I don't even think that I can explain the disappearing Ramen Noodle packages on top of my cupboard, I think that I am just too lazy to cook a good old steak and potatoes meal. In fact I think I'm tired of this street fighter movie, I'm changing the channel to Comedy Central where they are playing a Saturday night re-run, at least it's semi-American.)
So, IT'S JULY! In three days we get to celebrate our Independence from England. Push those brits out the door. It's time for hot dogs, eggs, bacon, and whatever the heck else you cook on the grill in the morning at the Old Fort. I plan to be driving to downtown buffalo at 5AM to pick up a bunch of fixin's for the party. I can't tell you what they are though. It'll be a surprise for my next update. I wouldn't want to spoil this party. Uncle Sam wouldn't be happy.
Do you know I actually saw a retarded horror film called Uncle Sam at the video store? What is this country coming to where we have to take important ICONS of POSITIVE action and turn them on their heads?
I remember an Uncle Sam on Stilts at Fantasy Island when I was a kid, who really impressed me with his ability to balance. I enjoyed that Fourth of July almost as much as the ones at the Old Fort when we used to take my grandmother (on my mother's side) down to cook breakfast in the early morning. My grandmother could make really good eggs on the grill. It is hard to forget the family members that aren't there sometimes around the holidays. but I won't let it get me down, 'cause I know I still have the ones that are there, and they are the ones that are the most important to stay close to.
Wherever you are, and whoever you are with, make sure that you have a great holiday. And roast a marshmallow for me when your day is all over, I will be waiting to hear whether or not you burned it.
July 1, 1998, 11:02 AM
Well, I'm back, and I'm watching MTV with this Jesse character with the screwed up hair. This guy looks like he's lucky to have any kind of job at all, let alone an MTV VJ's job, but then I guess, who am I to talk, I'm just the Notorious CJB.
I'm back on this PC again because I couldn't sleep, I kept hearing the door slam, due to the high winds today, and I think I may have had a little too much coffee this morning too, when I was out with Scott. It looks like I am not going to get an appropriate amount of sleep today, because I want to go out to Starbucks or Tim Horton's again for coffee this evening or this afternoon.
If I am too tired by then, I don't think I will go, but something says that I won't be. Hopefully everyone will see this on-line by tonight.
I was telling my friend Scott that one of the things that I regret most about dating the girlfriends that I have dated, especially the ones that I have only dated for a short while is that I only dated for a short while, is that I never bothered to take pictures with any of them. I think that now I would like to have pictures so that I could look back at what we had said and done and possibly captured it better for my writings that I am doing now. In all cases, I wish that I could have been more successful with my end of managing the relationships. I think I may have been able to have given more positive influence to the course of the relationships, but since they have past, there is nothing I can do to change them, I just wish that I could write more than a few lines about a few of them.
I think that sometimes regrets can help though. Next time I date someone, I will try to make sure that I get pictures so that I can remember the time better. I think that memory is largely ocular, or at least triggered more effectively by visual stimulus.
My friend Joe borrowed a book from me a couple of weeks ago. I think I have to remember to call him to have him give me the book back. It was a rather valuable Unix System V book that I used for my computer science classes. If I don't get the book back, I will be upset. One of the primary reasons that I do not lend things out is that I do not remember to get them back from the people that I lend them to, and they generally do not remember to give them back to me. This book cost $35.00 and the money used for it could have been well spent on a number of other things. I hope to call him by the end of the week.
I think that is finally time to get some sleep. A few minutes ago, I didn't feel that tired, but suddenly, I do, and I feel less and less comfortable sitting upright in this rocking chair. Everyone have a great Fourth, and to those of you who are Canadian out there, have a great First.
July 1, 1998, 1:25 PM
Send Me E-Mail At:
noisecontrol@wzrd.com
All Contents (C)1998 By Noise Control Internet (NCI)
An Electronic Culture Zine.
JULY 1998
It has been a couple of days since I have added anything to this page. The reason is that I have been threatened by a mutant "Microsoft Virus". This virus assaulted me verbally when I checked a web page, I have never encountered anything like it before. I think that I may decide to format my hard disk drive and start over soon. I am not sure whether I will or not. It depends on how much time I have left before school starts.
I have been a lot busier since I started doing work in the law offices, but I think that it has been good to have my time occupied with something. I spend way too much money when I am not occupied with other things to do.
I am down to my last pack of cigarettes again. This time I am going to have to try to make it all the way through to January before I smoke again. If I smoke again. At home, smoking is a lonely habit because no-one else in my house smokes and I usually have to do it alone outside.
I noticed this morning that I forgot something important and I think that I have to blame smoking for that also. Forgetting what I forgot definitely required a shortage of oxygen to the brain. I may have lost an opportunity to earn $600.00 toward school because of it. I am going to be working on re-scheduling my missed appointment.
I am thinking about going for coffee tonight in Amherst with a friend of mine. If he has the free time, I have my last three dollars and some gas for a drive to Starbucks up on the Boulevard. I could use some chocolate coffee.
I think I will be writing more as more interesting things happen to me. I haven't had much that's been unusual happen lately, with the exception of the car repair issues I have been grappling with for the past three months.
My radiator started leaking today. Luckily that was due to a minor adjustment to the radiator that my father made the other day. He corrected the problem tonight when he closed the cap that he had left open. It was good fortune also, that I had a container of Anti-freeze in the back seat to refill the Radiator with, or I definitely wouldn't be able to afford the coffee tonight.
I am part way through a book by my English instructor, Eric Gansworth. The book is his first book. It is titled Indian Summers and it is set here on the Tuscorora Indian reservation. I think that I will be reading more of it in the next couple of days.
One of my friends just went to Ireland for a month. He will be roughing it, staying in hostels and working on a work crew doing light construction and stuff I think. He is a big fan of Guinness Draught beer and has a computer that is even faster than mine. On Sunday Night, before he left, we watched a Woody Allen movie called Deconstructing Harry. The movie was a far cry from anything you might call normal, but it was my choice, as I have been influenced by some of my other friends to watch his stuff.
My friend Joe came into town on Saturday and is working toward aquiring a teaching position. He is going to be here until at least Friday and I think that I might be going to Darien Lake with him on Thursday. I haven't been there in years, so I don't know the layout of the park anymore. I hope that it is enjoyable and that the rides are worth any waits in line we might encounter. I think that going to an amusement park as an adult is going to change my perspective on things dramatically. I don't think I will find myself as infatuated with all of the games and arcades and kid's rides as I was when I was young. In fact, the last time I remember going to an amusement park was when I was in high school. What will it be like to ride a Roller Coaster again?
I think that I am going to come back to this in a couple of hours, but if I don't,
Goodbye until next time,
July 28, 1998, 9:26 PM (A reasonable hour?)
More good news. A friend of mine recently found me a shareware conversion utility that allows you to convert Word Perfect files to HTML. I am now able to put a lot more of my work on-line a lot faster.
I have just added several new poems to my poetry page. You can view them at : http://www.wzrd.com/home/noisecontrol/poetry.htm.. I hope you enjoy the work, I have enjoyed writing it.
Last night, Ryan and I went out to the Spot Cafe'. We ran into Andy, the guy who has taken various digital photographs of me, and Steve, who I have gone to the movies with a couple of times. We sat outside and enjoyed the scenery. I had a quad shot espresso drink called a Skippy. I don't think that I will be having one again soon, because I am still awake at 6am writing this. I really should have gone to sleep when I got home at 12:00.
Last night I went out on the web searching for a good free FTP program. I was hoping that I might be able to speed up my uploads to my web site. Unfortunately, Microsoft does not make a Windows edition of a file transfer protocol. It would be much more convenient if they did. It appears from one of the notices that I saw on the web, that I am lucky to have the last free edition of a program called Ws_FTP which is now going to be widely marketed with Windows capabilities. It is very unfortunate that the new edition is crippled (30 day limit) and that it costs a lot of money for the new 5.0 version. I am almost tempted to look into what it would take to write a Windows FTP application myself. All of the components seem to be built into the Win32 from the FAQ sheets I read on the Mictosoft site last night. Anyway, I wasted 3 hours searching around on the web for a decent program and I am not proud of having wasted so much time.
I would like to say more about my new work arrangement, but I think that putting anything significant about it into print might jeopardize my chances of holding the position that I have been offered. I can say that I will be working with telephones a lot and sifting through a little bit of paperwork. I really hope that this job keeps me busy for the rest of the summer. I need something to stimulate my neurons and keep my mind active. It has been almost two years since I have done any real work.
I hope that you all have been enjoying the summer. It has been hot the past few days, and I am guessing that it is going to stay hot well into August. It was really nice when the rain cooled us off Friday evening. I am hoping for some more, but not before I get my next automotive problem taken care of. It looks like I need a new set of wiper blades (Ugh). This car has given me more headaches this summer than I can count. At least this headache is a relatively cheap one...
Ciao...
July 20, 1998, 6:20 AM
Great News today, my Aunt referred me to a lawyer who I am going to be working for starting Friday (I think). I have been looking for something constructive to do with the rest of the summer. I will be working for him for free, so that I can learn how the inside of a law office really works. This works well with my whole financial scheme, and also my life goal of getting into law school. It brings me one step closer to the edge of something positive for myself. I never would have had this opportunity if my Aunt hadn't suggested it. Now I can say that I am a publisher and that I am working in a law office. These both work in my favor. Hopefully I will have a chance to do more positive things like this as time rolls by.
Today I entered some critical information into a program that will get me some additional tuition assistance and help with paying for books for college at University at Buffalo. I plan to start looking into Scholarship programs also, that will help me get through school. I have found a couple of Internet resources that will help me to find scholarships. I think that I will post them publicly after I have checked them out, so that I only give out the best ones. There are probably hundreds if you look up Scholarships through Yahoo!
Today has been nice and hot. I felt really dehydrated so I bought a grape juice at some kind of new quick-mart across from my psychiatrist's office before I went on the trek toward downtown Buffalo to drop off the form that he filled out for me. Downtown Buffalo looks really active in the daytime, with the Metro Rail coming and going every five minutes. I had to walk along the Rail to get to the office at 295 main Street. There were people in all kinds of different clothes walking around. It was as if the street outside were some kind of big Mall without limits. I walked past the M&T building and saw the office girls hanging out under the fountain smoking. It must take some kind of special credentials to get a job there because it looked like they were wearing some really expensive clothing. For some reason I have never found that high profile business girl look exceedingly attractive. I have always been excited by clothing styles that were a little more Romantic or on the edge. I think that as I get older, my perspective on dress might change slightly.
For my new job, I think I might have to go out shopping and buy some new clothing myself. The blue jeans look won't cut it in a law office. I am thinking that I will have to try to find some casual cotton or knit pants and a nice shirt and tie to wear to work. (I don't mind the look of these types of clothing on myself).
I think that having something to occupy my time might help me to quit smoking also. I think I smoke a lot of the time because I don't feel like I have anything better to do.
I look forward to going to school next semester and I look forward to keeping this job for as long as I can. I wish that I knew a better way to thank everyone for everything that they have helped me out with over the last couple of years. But hopefully, just improving gradually will put me in a position to get enough things done, so that I can return all of the favors.
I will be talking to you all again in the very near future.
July 14, 1998, 5:43 PM
It has been an interesting week. My computer is almost back up to date. I think I have made some progress toward going to college at the end of August. Today I had my transcripts sent in. I dealt with two student loan deferrment issues that I had been letting slide. I mailed my parking permit request for University at Buffalo. And I physically went out to the campus to drop off my current student loan. On the way home I will be dropping by to visit my friendly neighborhood psychiatrist. But for now, I am sitting at Starbuck's coffee in the safest town in America (Amherst) and sipping a Mocha Frappuchino.
The music in here could be better than the overly trendy swing jazz of the 20's. There will be a point in our history I am certain, when recycled culture will be recycled recycled culture. It seems to me that there haven't been anything original about the 90's but Ross Perot and Bill Clinton, and of course, the fact that it is possible for someone like myself to have such a wonderful platform to speak from.
I am certain that no one would ever read this journal of mine if it weren't on the Internet. The world's most viable new publishing medium. I could print volumes of words here and it costs infinitely less than printing everything out. I really wish that more people would get into it. I could use a couple of original writers to spice things up in this journal. They don't even have to be web page literate, just e-mail literate. It is difficult to meet motivated people though I guess, I would have to admit that I am not all that motivated myself. I haven't written as much this month as I would have liked to.
I have managed to get through a book in the past week. The book was titled Holy Fire. It was written by Bruce Sterling. It was a Science Fiction novel. I really enjoyed it. It had things in it like virtual reality gloves made of heated liquid plastic, and designer drugs injected through mosquitos and snake's teeth. The main character ends up being a 96 year old supermodel in Rome after having had biomedical treatments to reset her genes and biomaterials back to the age of 20. Her hormones lead her to be involved with many men intimately. (This helped the plot along dramatically.) She has to deal with dogs that talk, and babysit a pair of snow white kittens for some extremely rich woman. I will save the conclusion for those of you who choose to take my advice and pick this one up. It isn't quite as full blotto as Sterling's 1980 mindbender titled The Artificial Kid, but it is definitely worth a glance.
I am mildly disappointed that I have not seen any advertisements for Count Zero as a film yet. Someone over the internet through this newsgroup I subscribe to about William Gibson stuff told me that a film was being made of Gibson's second novel called Count Zero. The person that told me about this seemed confident that the film would be released this summer. I have not seen anything about it in any of the magazines or newspapers that I scan, and I am in the bookstore quite a bit with Mike. Hopefully more word will be on it's way by mid-semester. I am wondering whether my college connection to UB might help me get word of mouth news about it when it starts circulating. If it comes to theaters soon, I will be the first in line for a ticket. I recently watched the end of his Killswitch episode of the X-files on Fox and I was drastically impressed at how well Gibson can still put together a plot line.
I am down to the ice on my Frappuchino now, and I am glad to share that I have been at least somewhat creative in 1998. I have written a few new poems that I may add to my poetry page in the near future. The titles range from "Modern Forms of Corn" to "Fishnet Marriane" and include experiences ranging from nearly being beat to death by a skinhead to the graduation of my brother from college. I have written a little bit about nature also. I have been trying to avoid writing about my maple tree, because when I actually write about it, I want my words to be sharp and clear. Right now I have a lot of ideas going in a lot of different directions in my mind and I don't want to neglect anything important that I might otherwise notice.
I have been seriously thinking about doing some more drawings with colored pencils that I can scan in. I haven't done any in almost a year, and I have a whole new pack of 50 Crayola pencils to work with that I had to buy for a project in my Microeconomics class last semester. They were a good investment (I got an A in the class). I am not sure if I drew something though, that I would be able to escape the pictures that I have drawn of things in the past, and begin to draw things that are more original. I have been thinking about trying to find a book or magazine with pictures of helicopters and airplanes in it, that I might be able to use as a model for some drawings of some cool looking aerospace vehicles. (Actually, I just had that thought while sitting here typing).
I guess one of the reasons that I am typing so much today, is that I have a lot of time, and very little money to spend. The typing is keeping me occupied. As I said earlier, I think that it could be a productive task for a lot of people and I really wish more people were inclined to put their thoughts into the forum that is available to them. Mike is into a lot of consumer products web sites, and he has found a lot of cool mountain biking stuff on the web. I would like to see more people check out his website (you can find it on my friend's page (under the editor's homepage)). I would like to see more people check out my website.
I haven't read my Wall Street Journal today. I haven't read it in a couple of weeks, except this past friday, when I checked to realize that it doesn't have classified ads. I have been thinking a lot lately about deserting town and looking for work in one of the big cities. Boston and New York both move so fast that I am sure I could get something going in either of them, but then I have to look also, when I think about doing something like that, at the advantages that I would give up. My rent would definitely go up. My parents give me an incredible all inclusive deal of $200 for room, board, and car. They cover the insurance on the car too. I also don't think that I could afford to have cable if I lived with other people in Boston or New York. I would probably be lucky to have a phone, and not get screwed for the phone bills.
When I was living in Boston, a long time ago, I was barely living there a month, and somehow, my SHARE of the phone bill was $70 and I hadn't made very many calls at all. The other problem with living in the city is living with Roomates that don't want to stay put. A lot of roomates in the city want to move out and stick you with the rent. That is never a good deal to have to live with, especially when you often have the option to only sign an joint lease. It is very strange though. In big cities it is easy to find work very quickly if you know how to use a computer or a fax machine. Temporary Services love to hire skilled workers. Unfortunately, in comparison with the cost of living, the work does not often pay quite enough.
I am beginning to think that if my college experience this time around does not pay off, that I will have to take this approach. However, I am much more willing to work my way through school now, and treat it like a vocation. I am willing to spend hours studying text books and comparing my notes to old quizzes, where I was not willing to do this a couple of years ago. I think that if I carefully work through things that I might be able to make something happen this time around that didn't happen before.
It would be my hope that the next time that I get to go to Boston, or any other big city for that matter, that I get to do it in style.
Well, I think it is time to let up on this for the afternoon, and get out the news, and see what important happened this morning while I was smoking my blues away. If anything, I hope it rained somewhere in the world. I miss the rain of the last few days. Today is a scorcher, and I am driving one seriously repaired Dodge Shadow.
July 13, 1998, 2:36 PM
Sorry for taking so long to set up this system and get everything going to update the page. I have been going through some modo swings about my computer lately. Someone offered me some decent money for my system. It sounded like a deal that I could not refuse. The deal was $1000 for a one year old 200 Mhz system with the monitor included. I thought that I had it made and that I would be able to upgrade the system in a very short period of time to a 233 or 266 system by selling it and buying new parts. I was carefull to keep a backup of all of my internet files and all of my other data. I have been working on updating the computer with the latest backups of all of my files.
I took a picture of the computer that you should see at the right of your screen. The person that said he was going to buy the system backed out tonight and said that he was going to get a $1000 deal on a 266. I think that the one that he will be getting must not be of kosher origins based on what he has told me, but prices are dropping. In a few years I expect to be able to buy a 400 Mhz machine for $499 or less though, so it is possible.
I hope that you have all been enjoying your July. I think I would write more, but I have a lot more restoration on this computer left to do. Right now this is kind of like a test to make sure that the internet stuff is working okay on my computer.
I hope the summer warms up, these cool nights are giving me goosebumps.
July 11, 1998, 4:30 AM
Since the last time I updated this page, my car has been repaired. The auto-glass people fixed the window at no charge. I was very appreciative of that. I am glad that my parents bought the yearly glass insurance policy.
I am currently sitting in my living room writing this while listening to Street Fighter, the animated movie on Cinnemax. The graphics for it look pretty sharp, but it looks like it is at least a couple of years old.
Last night I watched a couple of movies on TV, they were pretty dull and brainless. One was called Double Team with Jean Claude Van Dim and the other was called Bad Medicine with Steve Gutenberg. Bad Medicine was on Comedy Central. Both films should have been on Comedy Central. I can't understand how I pay for Cinnemax when they put lousy stuff like Double Team on during prime time (10 PM). Rodman didn't save this film, in fact he contributed to it's demise, even though his acting was better than Van Dim's. I didn't even finish watching Bad Medicine.
My friend Scott showed up at 3AM and we went out for some coffee at a little coffee shop on Victoria street in Canada. I can't remember the name of the shop. It is just one of those places that we frequent when we get the time. We played Scrabble twice. Unfortunately Scott won both games this time around.
When we were in the car listening to the radio, waiting for the tourism bureau to open, we heard on the news that there was a new microsoft service that lets you look at your back yard on Satellite photos or something. It was called Terra somthing or other. I am going to look into it the next time I am on the web and surfing for new stuff.
In the past few days, I have seen the X-files twice. My friend Andy covered my admission last Wednesday. My Aunt covered part of my admission on Saturday night. I thought that the movie was good, but I think that it was a little bit over the top. I never actually expected Moulder to actually see a real UFO. (I know.. Shhhh.. I won't tell you anything else...)
I think that most of the people at my graduation party enjoyed it. I got a nice card and we played a game with a feather ball thing that you hit with your hands. When it got dark someone coated the feather ball with a glowstick's juice and it turned neon green. A lot of people got the neon green goop all over them also. We turned the music off at about 10PM.
The word on the street was that after the party a bunch of us went to the Twist of The Mist ice cream place, and then over to the Hard Rock Cafe' for beer. I had to break for the North with Scott and drop $10 at the Casino. I should have known it would be a losing proposition, but you can't help dropping a few bucks there, especially if your friends are chipping in a couple of bucks for you to play.
I am glad that I am not broke anymore. July is here, and the gas money is rollin' in. I just got my check and I'm locked on the nearest coffee shop, today. I will be glad to be able to pay for my own for a change. Last month was brutal with all the activities. I wish I had written more for the June page, but it is hard sometimes to keep focussed when you have so much going on. Unfortunately one of my best friends, Pat, is in Ecuador from now until September. I don't know that I will be as active without him around. I hope that I don't lose interest in going out, or keeping the circle of friends that we have together for the summer. We have done a couple of cool things since he left though. On Sunday night we watched the Replacement Killers, a movie with Chow Yun Fat in it, produced by John Woo, director of Broken Arrow. On Monday I went to see a film with Jackie Chan in it called Drunken Master at my friend Ryan's house.
Ryan invited me to lift weights with him this month, I am not certain that I have the patience or strength to repeatedly lift heavy objects though. On Sunday I went to lunch with him at China Bufffet. (Anyone notice a recurring pattern of All things Chinese in what I've been up to lately? I don't even think that I can explain the disappearing Ramen Noodle packages on top of my cupboard, I think that I am just too lazy to cook a good old steak and potatoes meal. In fact I think I'm tired of this street fighter movie, I'm changing the channel to Comedy Central where they are playing a Saturday night re-run, at least it's semi-American.)
So, IT'S JULY! In three days we get to celebrate our Independence from England. Push those brits out the door. It's time for hot dogs, eggs, bacon, and whatever the heck else you cook on the grill in the morning at the Old Fort. I plan to be driving to downtown buffalo at 5AM to pick up a bunch of fixin's for the party. I can't tell you what they are though. It'll be a surprise for my next update. I wouldn't want to spoil this party. Uncle Sam wouldn't be happy.
Do you know I actually saw a retarded horror film called Uncle Sam at the video store? What is this country coming to where we have to take important ICONS of POSITIVE action and turn them on their heads?
I remember an Uncle Sam on Stilts at Fantasy Island when I was a kid, who really impressed me with his ability to balance. I enjoyed that Fourth of July almost as much as the ones at the Old Fort when we used to take my grandmother (on my mother's side) down to cook breakfast in the early morning. My grandmother could make really good eggs on the grill. It is hard to forget the family members that aren't there sometimes around the holidays. but I won't let it get me down, 'cause I know I still have the ones that are there, and they are the ones that are the most important to stay close to.
Wherever you are, and whoever you are with, make sure that you have a great holiday. And roast a marshmallow for me when your day is all over, I will be waiting to hear whether or not you burned it.
July 1, 1998, 11:02 AM
Well, I'm back, and I'm watching MTV with this Jesse character with the screwed up hair. This guy looks like he's lucky to have any kind of job at all, let alone an MTV VJ's job, but then I guess, who am I to talk, I'm just the Notorious CJB.
I'm back on this PC again because I couldn't sleep, I kept hearing the door slam, due to the high winds today, and I think I may have had a little too much coffee this morning too, when I was out with Scott. It looks like I am not going to get an appropriate amount of sleep today, because I want to go out to Starbucks or Tim Horton's again for coffee this evening or this afternoon.
If I am too tired by then, I don't think I will go, but something says that I won't be. Hopefully everyone will see this on-line by tonight.
I was telling my friend Scott that one of the things that I regret most about dating the girlfriends that I have dated, especially the ones that I have only dated for a short while is that I only dated for a short while, is that I never bothered to take pictures with any of them. I think that now I would like to have pictures so that I could look back at what we had said and done and possibly captured it better for my writings that I am doing now. In all cases, I wish that I could have been more successful with my end of managing the relationships. I think I may have been able to have given more positive influence to the course of the relationships, but since they have past, there is nothing I can do to change them, I just wish that I could write more than a few lines about a few of them.
I think that sometimes regrets can help though. Next time I date someone, I will try to make sure that I get pictures so that I can remember the time better. I think that memory is largely ocular, or at least triggered more effectively by visual stimulus.
My friend Joe borrowed a book from me a couple of weeks ago. I think I have to remember to call him to have him give me the book back. It was a rather valuable Unix System V book that I used for my computer science classes. If I don't get the book back, I will be upset. One of the primary reasons that I do not lend things out is that I do not remember to get them back from the people that I lend them to, and they generally do not remember to give them back to me. This book cost $35.00 and the money used for it could have been well spent on a number of other things. I hope to call him by the end of the week.
I think that is finally time to get some sleep. A few minutes ago, I didn't feel that tired, but suddenly, I do, and I feel less and less comfortable sitting upright in this rocking chair. Everyone have a great Fourth, and to those of you who are Canadian out there, have a great First.
July 1, 1998, 1:25 PM
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